When It Comes To Love {Part Three}

Yesterday, I interviewed the three ladies from When It Comes To Love about their desire to get married by 2012. I learned that they aren’t man-hungry, waiting for their knight in shining armor, sort of gals. They’ve been busy living their lives, pursuing their God-given calling, and wrestling with what it means to follow God.

They’ve also been honest about their desire to get married. Like Heartbreaker said on the blog yesterday, it’s “more than just putting a ring on it. It’s a pursuit of God’s heart and His love reflected in our relationships.”  That’s kind of cool if you ask me.  Today, they are back to answer even more questions.

So keep reading. – – –

Do you think women should be more open about their desire to be married?

 Heartbreaker: Yup. I think there is an unspoken fear about marriage – especially in our generation. It kind of ties into the fear of and lack of commitment we are being taught in our society. There’s no shame in desiring something God designed, especially in the context He’s designed it. People share their desires to accomplish career goals, monetary goals, personal goals, health goals, etc. and no one questions their pursuit. Marriage is a bit different in that it’s soul deep and reaches into the depths of one’s heart. There’s risk and vulnerability that goes along with being open about your desire to be married, but I think in our crazy, loud world that it’s a noble thing.

Tulah: Ask me this in 6 months after being open for that long.  Right now I’m saying yes… but there could be a bumpy road ahead.

Meg: In most of the circles in which I run, we single gals are all very transparent – at least with each other – about our desire to be married. But outside of those close friendships I think it is something we women tend to hide or choose not to share.

Why do you think relationships are so hard in the church? 

Tulah: I wish I had an answer but I really have no idea… it’s awkward and sometimes feels like a meat market instead of a small group.

Heartbreaker: Probably because of the long list of Do’s and Don’ts. They scare people. There are certain do’s and don’ts that are absolutes, but there’s a lot that the church emphasises that are nowhere in the Bible nor are they bad or sinful. They’re preferences (often personal, family, or denominational).

Meg: GREAT QUESTION! I have no idea. But I think everyone in the church – marrieds and singles – want to see God bring couples together, so the heavy weight of expectations tend to bog down what otherwise could be a natural thing.

Who do you think should lead in a relationship?

Heartbreaker: The guy, absolutely. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be inviting towards him. I see some women who are so closed to men that they sit around waiting for the guy to approach her (even though she isn’t welcoming his presence), follow up with her and hit repeat for round two. Why would a guy pursue someone who isn’t welcoming and inviting him into her life? A leader can only lead if there is a follower and likewise a follower can only follow if there is a leader. It’s a two way street.

Meg: The man. It’s what he was made to do. This could be a challenge for me to fully embrace as I’m definately a go-getter myself. But there is something beautiful in a couple’s relationship when the man leads as he was designed to and the woman loves and respects him as the leader.

Tulah: I like the way it describes marriage in the Bible…the guy leads but loves his wife more than himself. And the wife submits and respects  her husband.

Do you think by being intentional in your relationships that you are taking the lead?

Meg: Hardly, I’m just realizing my part in letting a guy know that I am open and interested.

Tulah: No, I still think I would describe it as being more available for a possible relationship instead of taking the lead. I still want it to be the guy’s intiative during the relationship but I am learning that I need to be clearer that I want him to take the intiative.

Heartbreaker: Nope. It’s the same as my relationship with the Lord. I’m intentional in getting face time with Him, reading His word, praying… but I’m not pushing Him out of the picture by doing all of that. Instead, I’m putting myself and aligning my heart in place where He can speak and influence me more. However, you should know that I’m not the type to throw myself in front of a guy and say, “It’s your lucky day! I’m here!” I see too many girls do that and it’s unattractive to guys. They (from what they tell me) want to be intrigued and pursue.

Interesting, isn’t it? On Wednesday, we’ll be back for the last part of the interview. The ladies will tell us what they are looking for, how they define quality, and a little bit about themselves.

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