Fear Not {part two}

fear not What you can’t see in this picture are the notes scribbled all over the rest of the two pages. The ballpoint pen engraved the words on the paper, making them last longer than the dry black ink.

I felt like sharing some of the notes. Not because I’m a spiritual giant who has a monopoly on truth, but because I’m human, I’m flawed, I’m broken, and they brought comfort to my soul.

We can protect ourselves right out of our callings. God doesn’t call us all to safe, comfortable lives. Faith means not knowing and still choosing to do.

I know that I put up little Berlin Walls in the my heart. Not a nice little picket fence that you can peek through but something greater and uglier. Harsh concrete that doesn’t even make you want to come near. Barbed wire loops around the top, keeping people out and my soul in. That’s not the way that God intended our souls to be. He should be our Rock, the Fortress we run to. We aren’t supposed to retreat behind our self-imposed walls.

People are not born brave, it is encouraged + conditioned.

This one I know in my soul to be true. Although many people think of me as brave, I was not always that way. As a little girl, I hid so that I would not have to face people. I would hide in the cupboards, the closets, and underneath the sink. Shy was an understatement. Freaked out about any human contact outside my family would have been closer to the truth.

I’m not quite sure what drew me out of the extreme timidity, although I’m not sure timidity is the right word. I still had a temper and didn’t have any problems letting people know it! Looking back, it was a lot of love. And mystery novels.

I wish I could have some inspiring story about how people came next to me and gave me some sort of therapy that miraculously cured me. But that’s not how it went. It was an idolization of Nancy Drew and a healthy case of acting. When I was scared, I would act brave. Pretty soon it became second nature.

It was all horrible shallow. It wasn’t until I learned that God loved AND liked me, even in my ragamuffin state that I learned I didn’t have to fear. I got a lot more talkative too.

We can be one decision away from an all-new storyline.

Donald Miller’s book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, really drove this one home for me last year. A life of self-protection really isn’t a life at all. It’s a cheap carbon copy of one.

Think about it. Fear lives in grays. Life lives in colors. Vibrant technicolor sometimes. At least, that’s how I view it.

As I often blog about, my own life took a few changes after picking up A Million Miles. It was a tool that God used to coax me out of my timidity and embrace the adventure that He wanted me to live. I was pretty discouraged this time last year. I was a barista whose soul was slowly dying. But then God gave me this crazy opportunity. Leave home and move to a strange country. Texas, no less.

I had a huge decision. And after I made it, the story-line of my life changed. It was hard but I don’t regret it one bit. The last nine months have been hard but they have been worth every last minute. My soul has come alive again and I absolutely love life.

Those are just a few of the short notes I jotted down in the sides. This study has given me much to chew on and grow from. I’ll be sharing more in the days ahead.

One Response to “Fear Not {part two}”
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  1. […] I’ve already blogged a lot about Fear so I’m not going to repeat myself. You can just look it up and reread it yourself. […]

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