Presidential Day Ponderings

Posted by Caitlin on February 22, 2011 · 1 Comment 

It’s funny what you don’t find out about in school, especially regarding US history.

For instance, did you know that there were nine US Presidents who did not attend/graduate college. Some of them were obscure ones, like Millard Fillmore and Zachary Taylor but George Washington and Abraham Lincoln made the list as well. I don’t remember anyone telling me that when I was a kid. I remember stories about cherry trees and wonderkids who turned into Presidents. I don’t remember learning that George Washington has the equivalent of an elementary school education in the classroom.

I’d like to write a history book. A completely fictitious one all about the men and women who lived in the White House. I’d have to write about the obscure Presidents. Dear old Millard is prime to have his story retold. It would probably go something like this:

Once upon a time there was a boy who was unfortunate enough to be named Millard. He went to school until he was called Millie one too many times by his peers. Then he got angry and decided to take over the known world. Unlike many day dreamers who plot to take over the known world, he actually did! The moral of the story, dear children, is that if people make fun of your name, take over the world and make them regret the day they made fun of you!

Okay, that’s terrible.

Zachary Taylor was a brilliant strategist with bad handwriting. A former leader in the US Army, he brought the same commanding style to the White House. Moral of the story – if you want to take over the world, join the military.

Again, probably not the message the masses want to hear. It’s all mostly true though.

Abe Lincoln, unlike popular thought today, was not a Vampire slayer. That was his wife, Mary, whom history has not always looked upon favorably. That is because she almost killed Edward Cullen and when it comes to the fate of humanity and a sparkly vampire, everyone chooses the sparkly vampire. She did however, succeed in knocking off her husband’s enemies. Just not all of them. Moral of the story: Choose your spouse wisely.

Instead of rewriting history, maybe I should just celebrate President’s Day the normal way…shopping!

Filed under Mundane Musings · Tagged with abraham lincoln, george washington, history, presidents day